


unexplainable

by ameliariley



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF, mcyt
Genre: Absent Parents, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Hurt GeorgeNotFound (Video Blogging RPF), Karl Jacobs - Freeform, MCYTober (Video Blogging RPF), Sad Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF), Social Anxiety, Top Clay | Dream (Video Blogging RPF), Twitch - Freeform, dream - Freeform, minx - Freeform, punz, quacktiyhq
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-16
Updated: 2021-01-16
Packaged: 2021-03-13 18:40:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 647
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28782846
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ameliariley/pseuds/ameliariley
Summary: I have at least 7 of these short paragraphs written and i said i was going to start sharing them. this ones mainly about how my anxiety has been lately and how my parents plan on “helping” me with it :)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 2





	unexplainable

**Author's Note:**

> i write these usually when u sleep deprived and feeling bad lately that hasn’t been very often since i found certain twitch streamers/youtubers. i have them tagged cause of the fact that they saved me during a very dark time and keep me going today

growing up i was always scared in public situations but what kid isn’t? My mom and dad weren’t there to protect me so I had to deal with things on my own. the thought of talking to a stranger terrified me, everytime i had to I would shake. as i got older things only got worse, my shaking became uncontrollable at times and now i can’t even eat with my family. i’m always overthinking everything and creating situations in my head that haven’t happened that make me panic. The other night I woke up to a door closing in the hall and I created this whole story that someone was in the house because I didn't double check the door and now everyone’s going to die because I didn't double check the door! That night I could stop shaking and I began hyperventilating. It felt like I couldn't breath. My heart was racing. it took me over an hour to calm down and fall back to sleep, i could still feel myself shaking when i was trying to sleep. i can’t figure out what’s wrong though. the same thing happens when i think about driving, i can’t physically drive knowing that one mistake i make can kill someone! my mom doesn’t understand though she just keeps telling me that i’m over-reacting and just putting on a show for attention. I heard my mom and older sister talking about anxiety once and I said that it sounded like what I have and my mom told me I wasn't old enough to experience anxiety. so it couldn't possibly be that right? my mom told me i just need to toughen up and start dealing with real life, can someone teach me how? she wants me to get a job but i start shaking every time i think about it, i did figure out something that helps with shaking. i just have to press my nails into my palms, if i focus on pain my body stops shaking and i can just focus on trying to stop the pain. another problem with getting a job i don’t know how too. i don’t know how to make a resume and i don’t know how to apply. I asked my mom and dad for help but they told me I should already know...can someone else help me? I'm 16, my older sister is 18 and my parents are pressuring me to get a job more than her. I am a little confused on that but I guess you have to be the favourite to not need a job. i’m fine with getting a job and working i really don’t care but how do i get the job? i need help with that, i also don’t know if i’d be able to actually go inside a store and apply for a job, i can’t talk to strangers. I start to panic and I can't calm down no matter what I try. I've asked my mom what that is and she told me that I just need to grow up so I guess I need to figure out how to grow up for the shaking to stop. also i’m thankful i found these twitch streamers because everytime i watch them i feel calm and i actually laugh! can’t remember the last time i wasn’t faking a laugh or a smile! twitch streamers have helped a lot but it doesn’t help when none of them are around and when i think of one day not having them. i wish my parents were more helpful especially with things they want from me. does anyone know how to stop the shaking? maybe how to get a job? How do I think less? How do I drive without scaring myself out of it? How do I get parents that will help me? How do I get help...

**Author's Note:**

> i hope this can help some people in realizing others feel the same way you do sometimes. i hope you all know that things do get better and that i love you even though we don’t know each other


End file.
